The last 2 years of Mumgrind have brought so many feelings along with it, so I thought I’d share a few in the hopes you might relate.
No one ever tells you that becoming a Mother pretty much means you’ll spend most of you time silently worrying, about every little thing. It’s been two weeks and that plum stone STILL hasn’t come out… am I feeding you the right amount… how much water does a two year old actually need… she feels hot, why does she feel so hot?!
I promise you, you will frequently lay awake at night, in between feeds, worrying if you’re a good enough mother. Worrying you can’t give your babies everything you think they deserve. We all do it, and you are enough.
Pretty much every day starts same in our house. Our wild toddler is yelling UP PLEASE DADDY from 6.45 and by 7.10, there’s banana smeared on the couch. I find myself saying the same things over and over everyday. Don’t touch that, don’t lick that, get your finger out of there, HARPER MUMMY SAID NO, why are you naked AGAIN, that is enough cream cheese!
Not physically lonely, because let’s be honest you’ll never get to do anything by yourself again. No toilet breaks, no long relaxing showers, not even a sneaky treat while you hide away in the kitchen… they hear the wrappers.
It’s a different kind of loneliness. The undeniable need for an engaging conversation with someone who can string together more than a maximum of 3 words. You spend the entire day tending to your kids and no one is there to actually take care of YOU. No one to offer you the hot cuppa that you’re longing for but instead it’s still sitting on the bench, stone cold, from this morning.. probably feeling as lonely and forgotten as you are.
When it happens, and it will, it’s a crippling sort of love that brings you to tears regularly. And don’t try to imagine your life without your kids, more tears.
It’s the sort of love that no amount of, shit, spew or half chewed food, will ever change.
It’s seeing your hearth outside of your body laying right there in front of you sleeping in her cot so peacefully.
You are never prepared for how much you’re going to laugh as a parent. Kids are hilarious. The things they say, the facials, the dance moves. Watching all the strange uses for a roll of masking tape they can come with – hilarious.
Google – Your new best friend
I seriously hope no one has access to my search history, it would reveal the most hilarious, alarming and disturbing questions. Will my 1 year old die from eating cat poo? How many bananas is too many? There are so many that are far too disturbing to imagine writing for you all to read 😂 Seriously what have I become..
Bravery – Or at lest a brave face
No matter how much the money stresses you, you do your absolute BEST not to let you children ever feel, or be aware of those stresses. Because you know they’re just kids.
Even through a 7.8 magnitude earthquake you run to baby’s side without a single thought, you hold them so tight against you so if anyone feels safe in that moment, it’s your baby.
You’ve never had a conversation feel so easy as one with another mother. Your kids is all you’re going to talk about from now on, when they’re around and when they’re not.
You’re also going to feel apart of something, a sense of belonging. You’re a mother now. You’re going to meet the most inspiring mothers who will make you stop and reflect on your own parenting, and that’s a wonderful thing. You’re also going to inspire other mothers without even being aware of it, because this journey is so individual to every single one of us at the same time. We all have our own ideas, traditions and pastimes that are important when it comes to our kids, seeing someone else’s is bound to inspire you.
Trying over and over to get your baby to sleep then every time you lay them down, it might as well be on a bed of nails judging by the pitch of the scream that somehow comes out of said baby. After which you load the baby up in the car and they FINALLY nod off.. then you somehow find yourself in the McDonnalds drive through ordering to pass the time because that baby needs a decent nap right 🤷🏼♀️
You really do give every ounce of yourself to your family. Blood, sweat and tears – literally. You give up the body you once had, use it to create and grow your children, birth them, nourish them, teach them, love them and protect them. You’re a cook, cleaner, councillor, mediator, nurse, taxi driver, personal shopper, teacher.. and the rest.
The Balance – Or the lack of balance
Trying to take the pieces of your childhood you loved, wished you had, and take into account the bits you could have done without.. And somehow wrapping it up into the childhood you want for your own children.
Then there’s the lack of balance part… trying to be a mother, wife, friend, sister, all while being a woman of your own and finding the time to meet you own personal needs.
The Guilt – Mumguilt
Guilt that you don’t feel the way you thought you would, or the way other people expected you to feel. Guilt that your kids had noodles for dinner.. again.. actually for the third time this week.
Guilt that you don’t think you’re giving your kids one of those hightlight reel instagram lives.. that no one actually has. Guilt that you’ve been a ‘Yelly Mummy’ once again no matter how hard you try, those frustrations just seem to take over. Guilt that you aren’t a good mother. But the fact you feel those guilts shows the amazing mother you really are.
But above all, being a mother is worth feeling everything single one of those feelings for. And more.